the middle

last night i was commenting on a couple blogs. a rarity these days. i tend to read and not say much. it happens.
part way through a comment, i realized something was amiss. i couldn't leave a comment.
i clicked over to my blog.
deleted.
my blog was deleted.
a minor setback. i mean, it's not a pulitzer prize winning novel or a stunning dissertation on the effects of modern media on young men and women and the ways in which they conduct themselves in relationships. it's not even worth the cost of printing, really. but still, it's mine. my little corner where i sit and type and never edit and use improper punctuation. on purpose. without shame.
but it could be replaced.
then.
my gmail account. disabled.
no email. no contacts. nothing. and just a robot to email to figure shit out.
i felt like someone cut off my thumb and then told me to snap.
clearly, it all worked out.
best guess? i was hacked. because i was able to go in and retrieve my password (which hadn't been working) and change it before i lost everything. as soon as i did that, my blog (attached to my account via google) was back. and i spent the rest of the night changing passwords and compartmentalizing. ~might i suggest using google's new(ish) two-step authentication service? it might come in helpful one day.~

but it got me thinking.

about the way i take things for granted. about the level of control i think i have at any given moment. about the moments right before someone tells you really bad news that changes everything.
things like losing my email make me think about my children. because i assume i should have known better than to trust the internet. and if i forget, how easily will they?

it's no wonder i burned dinner tonight. dinner i was making in a crock pot. i'm the fool. proving wrong.

but the middle. there is always the middle.
between the drama of technology and charred food, we spent the afternoon in the park.
and before we left, finn says 'i like it here. i love my family.'
me. too.