there is a rope. in relationships. sometimes its an anchor, other times it floats back and forth, keeping time. but it's always there. the tie that keeps you tethered to each other. occasionally, i am much like an acrobat soaring without a net, never even looking down, balanced perfectly in the middle of my core, toes wrapped around. other times, i'm holding on, the end circled around my wrists, slack and taut all at the same time. regardless, i am attached. years ago, i chose this rope. out of all the fiber in the entire world, this one was strong enough for me.
the last few days have been especially focused, up close. bryan and i have been having conversations that remind me of the first weeks we were together, so connected and so happy to have found each other. we laughed the other morning in bed, stealing a couple of moments to snuggle next to each other before the baby jumped on top of us and reflected. remember when our biggest decision of the day was whether to sleep in or go get breakfast?
we talk about moving to a place where we can have some land. we talk about the lessons we learned in our past relationships and how thankful we are we experienced those things so that we could be these people to each other. we talk about the struggles we sometimes experience as two strong-willed independents who don't always know how to bend and we do our best to always talk it out. sometimes we go to bed angry because we both agree it's better than saying things we will later regret. we see eye to eye, hand to hand, and when we don't...well, we deal with that, too. we know it's not always going to be easy. but we know that nothing good ever is.
and we don't let the silly idea that we don't deserve each other pickle the fact that we are perfect for each other in every way.
the ring has been sitting in the house for months. i knew it was there, i just didn't know where. i could feel it, though. have you ever noticed that the promise of i will love you forever can warm a house? it lights the dark midnight hallways when you need a glass of water for the baby. and it guarantees the pillow will always have a cool side when you need it.
this morning, half naked and running a bit late for work, i hear bryan and finn talking. the door creaks open and finn walks up to me, arm outstretched. here, mommy.
in her tiny fingers, the ring.
wet hair and undergarments and i am aflutter.
will you marry me? he says.
i think i said yes.
(i made sure to say yes.) he puts the ring on my finger and i lean down to kiss finn.
mommy and daddy are getting married! yay!
i turn back to bryan, my toes bubbling and my eyes glittering and my heart and mind throwing peace signs and high-fives and beads.
yes, i made sure to say yes.