finn's head was full of nightmares last night and apparently they are contagious. after crawling back into the space between bryan's back and cheeto's face i curled into the dark spongy of my mind that allows me to be chewed upon by an alligator. it didn't hurt as bad as i thought it would. but did you know they can open doors? if you find yourself caught in a bathroom bleeding from teethmarks on your abdomen from their jaws, know that there stubby clawed legs can turn doorknobs. and they bark when they're mad. and, yes, i do know that alligators don't bark. but there it is.
sometimes i am not the perfect model of parenthood. i have allowed our daughter to enjoy a bowl of chocolate ice cream, a chocolate croissant, chocolate milk. not at the same time, but there it is. we have taught her that french fries taste good in ranch dressing and we sometimes coat her peas in butter and cheese just to get her to eat one. yes, she has been given a happy meal. we've since opted out of fast food as an option. but there it is.
she has watched television and listened to music not geared towards children. she has jumped on the couch with her shoes on and i know, for a fact, that last night i gave her a warning to stop doing so and then didn't follow through when she continued. i have told her to hold on while i finish typing an email and to go find a toy to play with so that i can finish dinner. i do not always buy organic vegetables and sometimes leave lights on in other rooms of the house when bryan is not home because i get scared of dark shadows and my imagination. and there it is.
it is somewhat conceited to have children, yes? to think that, of course, we'll be able to take care of them with smiling faces and perfect precision. that we won't sometimes want to drive through taco bell justified because it is at least the healthiest option out there. that we won't ever tell them to find something to play with so we can buy a few minutes of nothing. that we'll be able to cut the smoke in the middle of the night with the precision of soft words and forehead kisses. until we crawl back into our own heads and find ourselves trapped in bathroom, bleeding from alligator bites.
so there it is.