Monday, September 5, 2011

15 days

15 days.
cut off and wrapped in butcher paper like a roast. it's heavy, 15 days. a large chunk of time that would take hours to cook properly.
a long vacation, a trip to a far away place. two weeks, give or take a day. enough time to get into the groove of really forgetting about counting the days, until they start counting down to the end.
i spent two weeks at a dramatic arts camp when visiting my dad one summer. we sang songs from fame. i can't sing. we ended with a bbq at the park near my dad's house and i don't remember even one name from anyone i met there. i don't think they remember me either.
the first 15 days of my relationship with bryan were like taffy spun over and over, on rotation. it was mesmerizing and we walked in circles around each other, not even noticing the sun and the moon. sometimes i think those first 15 days are the glue that keep us attached at the foundation, no matter how far we might drift in the currents. like seaweed, our pods floating on the surface miles apart, our roots entangled and unable to separate.
my first "boyfriend" was in eighth grade. his name was tony and we "went together" for two weeks. we talked on the phone twice in that time, my preteen phone with the locking phone book compartment that didn't really lock. it looked like the kind of phone that you would find in an office building and i imagined myself driving a jaguar and working in san francisco with a fancy job and boyfriend. i broke up with him at the end of two weeks. we had kissed once and never spent time together outside lunch. he was in seventh grade, apparently fueling my pattern of dating men slightly younger than me.
dash is 15 days old. we are getting to know each other a bit and in that time i have noticed that the sound of his breathing is a collage under my skin. overlapping the bits and pieces of the other parts of me and i can't remember what my skin looked like before i compared it to his. his little high-pitched scream when he wants to feed and the last 15 (or so) hours of him wanting to nurse pretty much nonstop, if for no other reason than to have my undivided attention. i remember thinking the biggest accomplishment of my life when i first had finn was that i was able to keep her alive and fed for the first two weeks. because i wasn't sure why they let me take her home and i was completely unoriginal in feeling that way. this time around, i had my mom here for a week, sadie is here now and bryan gives finn as much one on one attention as he can since i tend to have a baby attached to my body the majority of the day. except for these moments, four to five in the morning, where finn screams because she was dreaming about witches and she doesn't want to go back to sleep. dash is asleep and finn is next to me on the couch, telling me she loves me. in 15 days i will have a child that is one month old and we will be moving. change the only constant, the familiar feeling of the seaweed pods bobbing at the surface, crushed under my feet at low tide.
15 days.


  1. It's quite unbelievable when you put it that way. So much happens in a mere two weeks. And yet, how quickly time passes! It seemed my daughter was just born and now she's starting school.
    Enjoy your days with your sweet darlings. All of them. And please send me your new address as soon as you're moved in.

  2. I always want to leave a kind word but can never seem to think of any that can stand up next to yours. Wishing you all the best kinds of change, in the next 15 minutes, 15 days, 15 years...

    I'm so glad your family has a better place to live for now. I hope you're settling in and feeling at home. It seems we're not far away, let me know if there's anything we can do for you!

  3. I don't even remember my skin before I compared it to his.

    Life altering. It's amazing to live through turning upside down and inside out. We seem so fragile, and yet we wash ashore, bake in the son, get dragged back to sea by a crab. It's all up in the air. The next moment floats so elegantly as we wait for it to crash or burn, or fly. Witches are a scary lot. Poor finn.

  4. i can only come so close to understanding motherhood, and ultimately not that close. but to have a newborn and be moving sounds like a lot going on. maybe it's a natural time for reflection, or emotion.
    (for me, couldn't imagine doing anything but panicking:)
    it's just so effective and elegant how you weave the 15-day symbol throughout this, and your food metaphors, from roast to taffy to seaweed. i know the seaweed isn't on a plate in the metaphor but in a river but it's still edible and still works.
    driving a jaguar in san fran does sound pleasant:)

  5. Krista, he's adorable! Congratulations! I've just became an aunt, my adorable niece is just one week old. I'm so in love with that little girl is unbelieveble!

    Camila Faria

  6. newborn time does not move at the same rate as regular time. he will be one month in 15 days but they might feel like 30 or maybe like 4. just take it as it comes, mama. xo

  7. I just caught up on your last few posts (including the adorable guest post). I cannot believe your apartment management company...ridiculous. But, happily, it looks like your silver lining is going to be awesome. A yard, a grill, and open windows will be amazing.
    Congratulations to you and your family!
    Much love!

  8. I can't wait to see Dash and Finn again - Finn is always a surprise with all her knowledge stored up to share with me. And Dash - he's going to be so different than the first 4 days with me - how exciting this will be to hold him again and have him open his eyes and actually see me. We'll get through all this and life will continue on and on, as we grow older and "wiser"? I'm still waiting on the wiser.... ha ha. Love you and see you Saturday! xxoo Mom

  9. I really enjoy how you write! Where in your brain does it come from? And I love your lack of capital letters, it suits your style somehow. Keep it up!


use your kind words.