one year.

one year. 

i think about the morning he was born and remember how i was worried i wouldn't be able to love another baby enough since my heart was already so full of his sister. i worried that love was finite.

he is feisty and emotional and stubborn and sensitive and the funniest little man i've ever known. he learned how to kiss from our cat and will head butt you with his forehead. he kneads my arm when i'm holding him and pats my chest when i talk. his fingers are warm and he points intentionally and he looks at his sister like she hung the moon. they have these secret conversations in their room in the morning and i'm pretty sure they plan it that way. he makes me question everything i ever thought i knew about babies when someone asks him where's mommy? he turns his head around until he finds me and his face opens up and he squeals at me and my heart rises like dough on a warm counter. 

one year ago today, i did not know if the baby in me was a boy or a girl and i held my breath when they pulled him out of me and when the doctor said 'it's a boy' i felt my blood turn into confetti and i smiled because everything was, all of a sudden, going to be okay. forever.