tiny fairies

i used to think the tooth fairy was a giant woman swathed in white with glitter all around her. she smelled like donuts and wore a gauzy dress. finn told me that the tooth fairy lived in the clouds and i asked her if she thought she gets tired, traveling from so high up. and how she thought she would get in her room. she looked at me like i was crazy. she's a tiny fairy, mommy. she can go anywhere she wants. super fast. i stopped and sat down at the table with her and asked her how she knew the tooth fairy was tiny. that i thought she was big. mommy....she's a FAIRY. i asked her how she would be able to lift the pillow if she was so tiny. to get to the tooth. with her magic, strong arms. fairies are very strong. you know this mommy. i know you know this.

i know that my dad is slowly losing his battle with parkinson's. i know that it takes me far longer to finish a book these days than it ever used to. i know that i have some serious anxiety simmering under my skin while i wait for a referral to a dermatologist. there are suspicious patches. i know there are suspicious patches. i know that i'm not getting younger. and yet i'm not really understanding how getting older is supposed to work. bryan and i watched a documentary last night about an eighty year old man who started robbing banks. and i think we live at least five lifetimes throughout our days and i wonder which one i'm on.

halloween is coming and finn has decided she wants to be a bride.
she really isn't letting go of this marriage thing. i think having parents who have been engaged for three years is wearing on her little brain.
you know this mommy. i know you know this.