Tuesday, March 23, 2010

earning my badge

these little routines i tell myself i'll follow.
trying to fit the square peg of all that i would like to think i can do into the round hole of me, my life and i. i will wake at 530 and exercise. i tell myself this while critiquing people chasing their dreams into a microphone, their shadows illuminated on the backside of my handed down tarnished spoon covered in chocolate chocolate chip. the alarm sounds and i snooze once. twice. three times a lady who used to be much smaller.
i find that i write better in the morning. when i have places to be. because the letters are always greener on the other side of my keyboard. they are disappointed in the stagnancy of asdfspacebarjkl;...or maybe they're perfectly comfortable and my high school typing teacher merely wanted to be betty draper when she grew up.
 meanwhile, i will start novels in the middle of the night and forget to write them down because i tell myself my brain will remember the words, etched as they are on my eyelids. this is the same voice that tells me that thin mints eaten in a dark kitchen while all other breathing organisms are sleeping do not count.
i've still got my winter layer on and the first day of spring has sprung.
i blame betty draper and the girl scouts.


  1. As you should! Bastards!

    Farq, you're beautiful. I see you. In fact, I might just know you, your honesty, your trying and failing and eating in the dark. Give to yourself what you need and screw the criticism. When we do that of others, we're really doing that of ourselves, aren't we? You've a tonne on your plate and you will find your hole when you stop trying. Ha! I laugh at myself. I need to take my own advice.


  2. Oh, and the novel, it will either come, or cease to matter. xo

  3. So many elegant writings lost in a pillows post. *sigh*

    I love you Krista. What's not to love? Round, square or fit in the palm of my hand. Simpatico today - many days. I hold you there, a pegboard to all your shapes.

    ~ Annie

  4. Beautifully written my friend of the interwebs...

  5. You can have dinner on my rooftop anytime :)

    Innuendo only *slightly* intended.

  6. I want to read your novels.

    And I eat too many cookies, too. *sigh* (now that I'm back to work again, I am making a ridiculous amount of excuses not to exercise. i tell myself walking to the bus stop and climbing the seven flights of stairs to work is enough. but then i eat cookies.)

    let me know if you figure it out....

    xo elizabeth

  7. i love 'once twice three times' cuz yeah, i'm there too.

  8. I know too well what you are saying. I'm back to yoga three times a week and walking everywhere I can.
    And write that novel, please.

  9. Balance is so tenuous these days. Should we get up and work out or should we get more sleep? Both are good for us, in different ways. I too am trying to make sense of the patterns in my life but also trying to change the things I do not like. How to not feel stuck in our lives, in this rut, but to change, really change?

    It requires one day and one decision at a time and we are not lesser for choosing rest, food, or relaxation instead of labor on some days.

    Also, yes, the Girl Scouts are little turds.

  10. I start things in the middle of the night too. perfect things. the best things i could ever make/write/shoot. And I'm always surprised when I cant recall them later. i am a reeeeaaal slow learner. I thought of you. Dive in. I think I might.

  11. Ok, I read this several hours ago. I've kept the tab open on my computer because i wanted to comment on this post. but, I was hoping to come up with a wonderful reply worthy of this wordsmithing post. Didn't get one. And, now I actually have to get back to work. Take care. Love your words.


use your kind words.