i am not a very good passenger these days. i hear myself, the apple, echoing the tree, the fall not far at all.
i've heard gasps escape my mouth that i would shhh anyone driving in my car for. i explain where cars are situated and when people are slowing down in front of us. verbal acknowledgments of automobile positioning and arms outstretched to the dash.
i didn't used to be this way.
i didn't used to worry about much of anything.
i have been snapped at more than a few times by bryan. and i know how annoying i am.
because when my mom tells me the way is clear as i'm craning my neck to the right i want to tell her you're not helping but i don't. (although i guess i just did but, mom, really, i get it. i do.)
father's day, driving from one paternal house to the other, i see a curve in the road and there are red lights ahead. i feel the car accelerate rather than s-l-o-w and i go against everything i promised i would work on.
i gasp out loud and say slow down, slow down.
immediately i apologize.
i'm working on it, really i am.
do you know what he says to me?
~it's okay, baby, i've accepted it. we've all got our things and this is one of yours.~
on mother's day, i got a manicure and a pedicure and a nap.
on father's day, bryan chased finn around at my father's house while i helped my sister in the kitchen. he drove from one end of los angeles county to the other to visit our fathers. he turned one of my most annoying traits into a simple idiosyncratic tic. and then he thanked me. for being me.
to mine and ours.