Tuesday, June 22, 2010

driver's ed

i am not a very good passenger these days. i hear myself, the apple, echoing the tree, the fall not far at all.
i've heard gasps escape my mouth that i would shhh anyone driving in my car for. i explain where cars are situated and when people are slowing down in front of us. verbal acknowledgments of automobile positioning and arms outstretched to the dash.
i didn't used to be this way.
i didn't used to worry about much of anything.
i have been snapped at more than a few times by bryan. and i know how annoying i am.
because when my mom tells me the way is clear as i'm craning my neck to the right i want to tell her you're not helping but i don't. (although i guess i just did but, mom, really, i get it. i do.)
father's day, driving from one paternal house to the other, i see a curve in the road and there are red lights ahead. i feel the car accelerate rather than s-l-o-w and i go against everything i promised i would work on.
i gasp out loud and say slow down, slow down.
immediately i apologize.
i'm working on it, really i am.
do you know what he says to me?
~it's okay, baby, i've accepted it. we've all got our things and this is one of yours.~
on mother's day, i got a manicure and a pedicure and a nap.
on father's day, bryan chased finn around at my father's house while i helped my sister in the kitchen. he drove from one end of los angeles county to the other to visit our fathers. he turned one of my most annoying traits into a simple idiosyncratic tic. and then he thanked me. for being me.
happy father's day to you and yours.
to mine and ours.


  1. I hear you and I do understand the urge to vocalize althewhile thinking DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD every time I am a passenger. And finding out that sometimes it isn't a help. Something I can work on squashing all in the name of love for you and albeit unintentionally, letting me know.

    How did you and Bryan become so infinitely wise beyond your years in understanding some things - I've lived so much longer in this world and have not learned as much about people or myself and I certainly have not been with someone who would take the time to comprehend the quirks and kinks in my personality. You are two in a million - and how fortunate for me you found one another and that you both include me in your world. Thank you for your patience, understanding and role reversal that occurs periodically. And thank you Bryan, for being Finn's Daddy and my daughter's equal partner.
    Ditto on the Happy Father's Day everyone.

  2. Awww- I hate to follow that one up- it was so beautiful!
    I will say however, that I too suffer from the newly acquired,motherhood related? anxiety in the car. The foot to the brake on the passengers side, the "not so close" admonishments, the need for valium :)
    I only wish that my husband dealt with it so gracefully! Yours sounds like a gem!

  3. Such deep and simple love :)
    Happy Father's Day to him!

  4. Wow. He sounds all kinds of awesome! I've got a good one, too. I hear there's not too many of them out there, so we're the lucky ones.


  5. So sweet. Well, you won't like driving with me. Fast, furious, impatient. Nope...don't imagine you will like it at all!

  6. What a beautiful relationship - it's the smallest moments of patience and kindness with each other that really end up defining everything, isn't it.

    Someone once told me: You have to forgive your partner for not being you, and you have to thank them for it.

    Not easily done - but your guy sounds like a keeper :)

  7. oh, you two are beauties. he sounds wonderful.

    so do you.


  8. i LOVE this, because it is recognizing this small gifts that make a marriage so lovely

  9. So sweet!!
    I am a horrible passenger too - I just don't feel like I am in control of my entire life and it's really hard to give that up to someone who might ruin everything by sneezing at the wrong time!

  10. Which is exactly why you love him, yes? That and a million and two other reasons.

  11. What a sweetie - you are one lucky gal :)


use your kind words.