i have stacks of books next to my bed, mocking me. i fall under the covers and grab one, lay on my side. minutes later, i will invariably roll over and turn off the light.
i haven't read anything tangible in two weeks.
there are maps all over our house. because we love the way they look. our shower curtain is, in fact, a world map. and yet i have no idea where places are and i get lost in cities in know well. do not ask me for directions. ever.
there is so much going on in my life and i am failing to document it. and i wonder if that means something. other than the fact that i am a tad preoccupied with the very task of living.
Monday, January 10, 2011
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I feel exactly as you do... from the robbed month of illness, the work of reconnecting to life taking from the stores of reserved energy, the feeling guilt of never enough time not writing, reflecting. The act of living taking up too much time!
ReplyDeleteI might just link your post as exactly how I feel. Take care lady :)
God, I wish you knew how many times I was uninspired and failed to update that blog of mine. But there's something to be said for living life and not documenting it. Now I just try to update the blog when I feel like I want to share, and not because I have to meet a certain number of posts per week. I will keep reading your blog no matter how often you post!
ReplyDeleteI haven't read an entire book in MONTHS! I just can't focus that long. I wouldn't feel too bad about it. We don't have to read ALL the time. One needs a break from even enjoyable things.
ReplyDeleteI think we remember the moments that matter. Is that to say not all are worthy of remembrance? I have to believe there is a certain amount of downtime, quiet resolute reserved to refresh whatever is playing out in our lives. Otherwise we would be overwhelmed to the point of not gathering much in the way of memorable in our lives. (Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteP.S. By the way...the past month has been eerily subdued, almost numbing for me.
It's an interesting word choice..."preoccupied with the very task of living." Shouldn't we be? But there are times I want to live a new experience, just for the excuse to write. Ha! How screwed up is that?
ReplyDeleteAs for directions...that the good lord my car now has a navigational system!
Thank you for admitting these things. I'm in the same boat, and feel better about it now. Why is it that sometimes when we have the most going on, we feel the least inspired?
ReplyDeleteI think we have to be gentle on ourselves when we try to carve time to nurture ourselves. On one hand, it's good that we try to take the time to read books, take photographs, slow down. But if it becomes a source of stress that we don't do those things, then they've sort of lost their meaning. Sometimes the task of living and spending time with people needs a little bit more attention than a book - and sometimes, it's the other way around.
ReplyDeleteLess pressure, more self love. There is enough time.
i've put my camera down at a lot of family gatherings - not because i wasn't loving it but because i wanted to fully enjoy the moments, not just document them.
ReplyDeletei need a good book, i've been bored with the last couple
Sometimes we just have to "lay like broccoli" and just be in the moment. Taking care of yourself and your family and enjoying those moments is also a requirement of living life. Love you and can't wait for Saturday! xxoo Mom
ReplyDeleteUgh! Me too!! And I love that you have maps everywhere. : )
ReplyDeletexo
Tasha
that's the best thing to be preoccupied with :)
ReplyDeleteamen.
ReplyDeleteoh girl. you are so funny. i love that you love maps and that you get lost. ME TOO!
ReplyDeleteit is hard to not get preoccupied with life. ugh. hard to keep it all straight and make time for fun.
thank you so much for your sweet comment. hug on to that 12-year old orange tabby for me. i bet your cat is almost as awesome as mine was. kidding. kind of! :)
On documenting: Sometimes cameras make us observers. Sounds to me like you are being a doer, and that ain't bad!!
ReplyDelete(I don't use the word "ain't" in every day life. It just seemed to fit.)
On reading: I'm right there with you. Sometimes all that doing just makes you too tired to stay up reading in bed.
Have a great weekend!
Oh, I have been feeling this way this month. Like everything but maintenance has fallen by the wayside. February has been full of blizzards and illness and utter exhaustion. Gosh, I can't wait till February ends!
ReplyDelete