Saturday, July 16, 2011

empty trays of ice

i'm a bit of an organization freak. i hate clutter, dirty dishes lingering, things left out for no reason.
if bryan folds the sheets, i will refold them.
when sharing a computer, i will take anything he has saved on the desktop and drag it into a folder with his name on it. he leaves the groceries on the counter for me after shopping because he knows i will just reorganize everything he put away anyway.
and, yet, i seem to be unable to fill the brita water filter after i empty it. i will leave it on the counter. along with the empty ice cube trays (which really upsets me because i'm the only person in the house who likes ice and i seem to run out. i will even open the freezer and get irritated that no one bothered to fill the trays, even though i'm the one who left them in there with only one ice cube.)

i turned 39 last week. decided to sit down and write out a list of 40 things i would like to do before i turn 40 and it slowly morphed into a chore list of things i want done around the house. the bigger picture crumpled at the bottom of the laundry basket and i would rather make sure the baseboards get repainted sometime soon than think of grand gestures to make me feel like i'm living my life. one of the women i like most in the world put up a fanfuckingtastic picture of herself her freshman year in high school and it inspired me to find my high school yearbooks to look at my freshman photo. (okay, it inspired me to make bryan find my yearbooks and get them for me.) i was standing there in the hallway, directing him where to look and heard myself say 'grab the one that says 1986-1987' and i paused and started laughing. bryan looked at me and said 'yeah, baby, you're old.'

finn has started going in her room and shutting the door to spend time by herself. i'll open the door to see her on her bed, reading. 'i'm reading, mommy. can you please shut the door?' bryan says 'well, we always tell her she can go play in her room if she wants' and i pause, leaving the door cracked open. she gets up and shuts it for me and i turn around and walk into the kitchen and fill the ice cube trays.


  1. Although I am at my desk in my home office, I feel like this is a short chapter in a book I bought from the bookstore. A short chapter I would have to read twice to fully understand all the subtext and feelings, because it's so amazingly layered and crafted.

    Please tell me you are working on a book. You have a wondrous way with words.

  2. Why does a post like this make me want to book a plane ticket out for a visit?


  3. i'm so happy you like nerds.

  4. Isn't all of that just the truth - only you capture the true meanings better on paper than I could every hope to do. I hate, at bedtime, climbing into an unmade bed - just makes it feel uncomfortable and "used". I like the sheets smoothed out and covered during the day so at least it has the impression of being freshly changed. Lynn has the concept of either a child/teenageer or a perennial bachelor - why make it if you're just going to climb into it later? So I will, before I climb into bed after a day at work, smooth the sheets and pull the comforter up like it had been made all day. Silly, but makes me sleep and feel better.

    So I totally get your revamped to do list, dishes and all. (I think the Brita thing is inherited - I find I do the same thing...... and since I'm the only one who uses it, no one to point a finger at but myself).

    As for Muffinn - isn't it funny how when they are clinging and want our attention all the time we tell them it's ok to go play by yourself in your room - but when they do, and really want to be alone, then we feel the loss of their company? You were also good about playing by yourself and in that respect you have a little insight - albeit a little niggling of why doesn't she want to be out here with us? She's an independent one, that Muffinn and I think it will bode well for her in later years. If she grows up as wonderful as her Mom did, she will be awesome!!! Love you Kritter, Mom

  5. Aw, for me it's closing all of the open cupboards one at a time!! All of the things we can control vs the inexorable processes we can't.sigh.


use your kind words.