i'm a bit of an organization freak. i hate clutter, dirty dishes lingering, things left out for no reason.
if bryan folds the sheets, i will refold them.
when sharing a computer, i will take anything he has saved on the desktop and drag it into a folder with his name on it. he leaves the groceries on the counter for me after shopping because he knows i will just reorganize everything he put away anyway.
and, yet, i seem to be unable to fill the brita water filter after i empty it. i will leave it on the counter. along with the empty ice cube trays (which really upsets me because i'm the only person in the house who likes ice and i seem to run out. i will even open the freezer and get irritated that no one bothered to fill the trays, even though i'm the one who left them in there with only one ice cube.)
i turned 39 last week. decided to sit down and write out a list of 40 things i would like to do before i turn 40 and it slowly morphed into a chore list of things i want done around the house. the bigger picture crumpled at the bottom of the laundry basket and i would rather make sure the baseboards get repainted sometime soon than think of grand gestures to make me feel like i'm living my life. one of the women i like most in the world put up a fanfuckingtastic picture of herself her freshman year in high school and it inspired me to find my high school yearbooks to look at my freshman photo. (okay, it inspired me to make bryan find my yearbooks and get them for me.) i was standing there in the hallway, directing him where to look and heard myself say 'grab the one that says 1986-1987' and i paused and started laughing. bryan looked at me and said 'yeah, baby, you're old.'
finn has started going in her room and shutting the door to spend time by herself. i'll open the door to see her on her bed, reading. 'i'm reading, mommy. can you please shut the door?' bryan says 'well, we always tell her she can go play in her room if she wants' and i pause, leaving the door cracked open. she gets up and shuts it for me and i turn around and walk into the kitchen and fill the ice cube trays.