Wednesday, July 6, 2011

the water in my brain

i dreamt last night of water.

i was walking through the neighborhood i lived in while in high school. but i was with bryan and finn at the age of one. each section of my neighborhood was connected by swimming pools, much like a vegas resort but without the 96 oz cocktails and cliched bikini clad hipsters. in one pool, i passed by maggie may and sweet little miss ee and introduced myself. we hugged as we recognized each other and passed our babes into each other's arms and i woke up thirsty and walked in the dark of the house to get a glass of water, stood at the sink and drank the whole thing.

my brain holds these stories of places i've been and i lull myself to sleep by curling into the memories of the way my skin felt at a certain age. at fifteen i wore la gear high tops with two colored laces and sprayed infusium leave in conditioner into my hair. i used to put on my bathing suit and lay down in front of my mirror, trying to figure out the best way to lay on my beach towel so that i hid all the flaws. i can see where my bed meets the carpet in that room and i want to go back to that fifteen year old reflection and tell her to get her ass up off the bed and not worry so much about the funhouse mirror. as i walked back to bed last night, i heard depeche mode coming out of a bright yellow portable cassette player looping around my pillow and i sat looking at the ocean of 1986, writing bad poetry that rhymed.

i fell back asleep and dreamt that my water broke all over my favorite dress.


  1. Dreams...
    I used to do that too, when I was fifteen. I had a fear of getting fat. I was always looking for ways to sit and stand that made me look as skinny as possible.

  2. There's lots of things we wasted time and energy concerned with. Things that change with time and have little value when all is done and considered. But look at you now, all full of water and life...all non-rhyming and lacking in upper case. Did you ever think it so at 15? Thankfully, we live beyond our childish imaginings.

  3. yes yes, i think these thins too. that was a real place and it is still a real place. it's so funny how we can't visit it. but do soak up the place you are now, too, soon you'll be remembering that sink and what it felt like to fill your glass with water and the front of the cabinet doors and how it felt to wonder what day you'd meet your baby. sigh.

  4. there is something so magical about this post. and something so awesome about being dreamt about!!!!


use your kind words.