Saturday, December 10, 2011

twenty years

twenty years. he has been gone for twenty years.
a blink, a wrinkle. and yet, forever.
when i was little, my dad always had a camera with him. or the large camcorder that looked like a boombox with a lens. he used to record random things, like hanging out and eating lunch.
we used to mock him at the time.
recently, we watched some of them at my dad's house. my sister and her family and my little family. there he was. smiling at the camera, laughing, just being himself. he had long curly hair, jeans, tshirts. bare feet most times. at one point, i am standing on a sidewalk with him. i am about 12. my dad makes a comment about his unruly hair, about cutting it. a running joke between my conservative police officer father and my hippie of a brother. i rush to his defense leave him alone. he looks great. no one, not even my father, was allowed to criticize him.
he was my hero.
he was everyone's favorite.
i can still hear his laugh, i can smell him.
i was around four when this picture was taken.
my daughter is nearing four right now.
there are times when i think...
she sure would have loved him.
updated to say: i suppose i should have been more clear. i'm talking about my brother. dad is still alive and well. xo


  1. you do something to me. you take your real life and you pack it into a snowball and you wallop me with it. i am left without words.

    and yet i laugh. there is such wisdom sparking through all of this. (oh, i found some words!) he has become in you. he lives still. finn knows him through you.

    my god, your daughter looks like your young you.


  2. I agree, Kritter, Finn would have loved her Uncle Mike - he was the kindest person, even at the young age when I was married to your Dad. He would have taken your kids under his wing and shown them how to fly to the truth unto themselves. Maybe I'm not saying or writing the proper descriptive words - but he left an indelible print on all of our hearts that will live on. We love you Michael. Mom

  3. We never really stop missing the loved ones we've lost. I'm glad you have such warm memories of your brother.

  4. Awwwww.So true. No one will ever be around forever but memories will always last. Today is my grampy's birthday and though he has been gone for so long I can still recall his laughter and cheesy jokes. Loved ones will always be alive in our hearts.

  5. so glad you had such a wonderful dad. it is so hard to lose someone that you love so much. but i am so glad that you have such good memories, tons of photos, and lots of movies to keep it all alive in your mind.


use your kind words.