why i should always make a list

i wish my checking account was a game on the price is right. i would stand on stage and move the numbers around until, intuitively, i feel they're right. and then i win a car.
in related news, we are out of butter and parmesan. toilet paper. wipes.

i left the house today with the kids. bribed finn with a carousel ride for her best behavior in target. it mostly worked. carried a 15 lb baby on my chest and let finn walk next to the cart. now i know why those moms have that look on their faces. i gave in to the bag of goldfish crackers. i circled the two story target three times, trying to remember why i was there in the first place.
i bought eggnog.
i forgot the butter.

finn asked me about heaven and dead people this morning. while eating her life cereal. i thought for a moment about commenting on the irony because i figured that would be easier to explain than the real issues. that i can't promise her i won't die tomorrow. that i can't promise her anything that has to do with life or death because those aren't the rules. she doesn't know that yet. on this thursday in december. 2011. that sometimes life makes no sense and hurts like a motherfucker and santa can't make that go away. she doesn't know that. not yet. i begin to formulate an age appropriate way to have this conversation when she switches to bodily functions and where and how they come out.

on the way home from the store we got caught in a hailstorm. i was so excited. i mean, it's los angeles. we never see ice. then i heard sirens and flashing lights and finn waved at the firetruck as it passed. dash looked out the back window, his eyes blinking with the pummeling of water and ice on the roof. i held the steering wheel like a glass flower and thoughts of freezing oceans and crashing metal curled up on the dashboard.

that's right about the time i realized i forgot the damn butter.