the bigger picture

we all have our coping mechanisms, don't we? the ways in which we weather the storms. life right now is a tad...jagged. it seems my ability to cope with life's arrows dramatically shifts balance in relation to scope. see, i deal with the larger, spongy issues of life and death a bit more quietly than i do the more specific, the inconsequential. in the last few weeks, we have received news that three different people we love very, very much are dealing with forks in the road. the kind change the trajectory of your life, depending on your choice. these are the types of choices we don't wish our loved ones to face. and we are full of support, for each other and the people we love. and yet there isn't a lot we can do. they aren't our forks. we're just the wind on the side of the path, whispering. 


the small things. the deadlines, the imperfect mashed potatoes at dinner, the car troubles, the running errands. these are the things i obsess over. i sit up at night and my mind jumps on the hamster wheel, murmuring to itself over and over until i finally fall asleep in just enough time to wake up exhausted. i find myself on a phone call with a person i am not all that close to and i end up spilling out all of my worries, my hands flailing around the room. she is a generous ear, this one. and i apologize and thank her all at once and she offers me the best advice. the thing i needed to hear.

so maybe you need to hear it, too.

know your boundaries. honor them. know that it is not your responsibility to fix everything. to love and help someone does not mean you have take on all of the energy thrown at you. you will not survive if you do. take care of yourself. 


i am home (sort of) alone. the baby is napping. bryan's 13 year old son is visiting and he and finn are with my father in law for the entire morning. bryan is at work. i have iced coffee and a dvr full of episodes of 'the closer.'
these are my coping mechanisms.
these are my boundaries.