Friday, June 29, 2012

the bigger picture

we all have our coping mechanisms, don't we? the ways in which we weather the storms. life right now is a tad...jagged. it seems my ability to cope with life's arrows dramatically shifts balance in relation to scope. see, i deal with the larger, spongy issues of life and death a bit more quietly than i do the more specific, the inconsequential. in the last few weeks, we have received news that three different people we love very, very much are dealing with forks in the road. the kind change the trajectory of your life, depending on your choice. these are the types of choices we don't wish our loved ones to face. and we are full of support, for each other and the people we love. and yet there isn't a lot we can do. they aren't our forks. we're just the wind on the side of the path, whispering. 

the small things. the deadlines, the imperfect mashed potatoes at dinner, the car troubles, the running errands. these are the things i obsess over. i sit up at night and my mind jumps on the hamster wheel, murmuring to itself over and over until i finally fall asleep in just enough time to wake up exhausted. i find myself on a phone call with a person i am not all that close to and i end up spilling out all of my worries, my hands flailing around the room. she is a generous ear, this one. and i apologize and thank her all at once and she offers me the best advice. the thing i needed to hear.

so maybe you need to hear it, too.

know your boundaries. honor them. know that it is not your responsibility to fix everything. to love and help someone does not mean you have take on all of the energy thrown at you. you will not survive if you do. take care of yourself. 

i am home (sort of) alone. the baby is napping. bryan's 13 year old son is visiting and he and finn are with my father in law for the entire morning. bryan is at work. i have iced coffee and a dvr full of episodes of 'the closer.'
these are my coping mechanisms.
these are my boundaries.


  1. Hugs Krista- wisdom is in the limits we set so we can thrive.

  2. sometimes knowing our boundaries is difficult, especially when it involves those we love but we try to cope.

  3. I totally agree with having boundaries - but I too am guilty of accepting others as part of my own, making it larger than imaginable. Our own lives and those of our immediate circle are really the only ones we can handle, or should handle. And even then there are times we have absolutely no control - and no easy solution. They say we are never given more than we can handle - I want to shake whomever "they" are and say "REALLY???? I am NOT that strong!!"

    Then it seems like we're on to the next circumstance and all the stress and worry and sleepless nights for any former situation have been shelved.

    Maybe some of us are the worriers to take the place of those who don't give a shit. But life is odd, cruel and yet beautiful and loving while always keeping at an ever-changing pace. The infamous hamster wheel should need new bearings soon - thank goodness we humans can recharge with a smile from a baby, an "I Love You Mommy" from a child and a hug from a loved one. Doesn't make everything go away, just kinda throws things into perspective.

    Someday these will be distant memories that we will dredge up with a "remember when" - until then, deep breath in, exhale out, repeat. Let the new energy inside. I love you Kritter.

    PS - great advice from your friend......

  4. I needed to hear that advice today. I feel so caustic, like I am the bad energy and I should pass out this advice via a signboard I wear around my neck. *sigh*. Finding boundaries is hard. Keeping them is hard. I find boundaries very very hard to hold because I can't make everyone happy with them.


  5. "Take care of yourself," is probably the hardest advice for us to follow. But keep trying. <3

  6. Other people's problems - we are only obliged to make a reasonable contribution. A reasonable contribution does not undermine the stability of our own lives.

  7. I'm working on boundaries, too. And letting go of my idea that it is my responsibility to help everyone else metabolize their emotions.

    To setting boundaries and coping mechanisms. xo


use your kind words.