check

i've started writing down the funny things finn says on pieces of paper, folding them up and sticking them in a jar on the kitchen windowsill. i know that i'm going to thank myself in about 10 years when we are knee deep in the cesspool that is teenagedom and i need to remember that sometimes our orbit was so so small.

there's a lot going on. but there is always a lot going on. except when there isn't. but i'm pretty sure the 'isn't' is merely a construct i've created to allow myself to stop. because with two kids and a cat to keep alive, i'm pretty damn positive that there is always something i should be doing better. something i'm always letting slip through the cracks. on the good days, the spill off is full of regret and guilt and preconceived notions, filling the cracks in the floor and hardening so that we don't recognize them anymore. on on the not so good days, they flood the room and warp the baseboards. sometimes i think life is a constantly sinking rowboat. and we're merely trying to maintain our balance.

in between the excitement of planning a party for dash's first birthday, making salads in mason jars for bryan to take to work. painting finn's nails in rainbow colors, packing for our move in two weeks, and taking the kids to the beach (for the first time this summer. shame.) there is work, a show to prep for, a party to celebrate the wedding of two amazing people. there is gardening to attempt in a new backyard, shade structures to build since there is none as of yet, bills to pay, pounds to lose, birth certificates to pick up (i think this happened with finn, too. i always forget to order them on time.) there is a tightrope of daily activities and a parachute full of possibility. we have a hose that i forgot to turn off and it burst. so there is also watering to do. watering that requires a new hose. i have a book i can't wait to read, boards full of to-do lists on pinterest, projects lined up for years. i have abandoned my etsy shop. i haven't yet written the short story in my head. i have a pile of things to sew and i have a long laundry list of health related issues that are soon going to need addressing.

i feel busier and exhausted and i think that maybe i should write all the things i need to get done down on tiny pieces of paper and fold them up and stick them in a jar so that in ten years, i will remember that sometimes our orbit is so so small.