i caught someone today talking about my children. overheard their words without them knowing until the words were there, floating, lit.
she is amazing, fantastic...(mumble, shuffle) adorable in the way she....(walking)...so intelligent. and her little brother? ohmygod...so cute!
a little vacuum of air around my ears when i realized it was MY children they were talking about. eyes ripe and blinking.
it is one thing for people to tell you kind things about your children. it is another thing altogether to hear someone say it when they don't think you are there.
my daughter is back in preschool - after being home with me all last term. she has one friend in particular where they light up like sparklers when they see each other, spindly arms and jumping boots. finn made her a card today and this little girl's face exploded in excitement. she's amazing, mommy. she's the bestest girl ever. i love myself so much.
this is what she says when she is happy.
i love myself so much.
if i do anything right, it will be keeping that feeling so attached to her core that nothing (no friend, no lover, no struggle, no action) can take it away. if i do anything in this life, let it be keeping my children in love with themselves.
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I believe some kids are born that way and that we can nurture it but that we can't "produce" it. My fourteen year old son was exactly like you've described; in fact, I remember one day when he asked me, "Guess what?" And when I said, "What?" he told me that he loved me. Then he said, "Guess what else?" And I said, "What?" and he said, "I love my life." And then he asked, "Guess what else?" And I said, "What?" And he said, "I love myself!" and I can still remember his little legs swinging from the chair and his big round face and smile. My other son is almost the exact opposite -- oy vey!
ReplyDeleteThat is the sweetest thing I've ever heard! We all need to feel that a bit more, and hang onto that. We're all pretty freaking fantastic in our own ways, if only we'd love ourselves so much.
ReplyDeletewe tend to lose loving ourselves as we age, we must again try to love ourselves and can only do so by letting go of the past
ReplyDeleteIf I could learn to love myself as much as I love you and your family then life would be perfect. I'm not blaming anyone for this foible - I'm an adult and can choose to change this feeling (or so they say). I find it's harder to learn something you've never had than maybe to relearn something you've lost. I have always felt envy along with pride when Finn says this - she is so secure in herself and her life which you and Bryan encourage and promote - what a wonderful person she is becoming. And the best is yet to come! Every year she amazes me with her loving ways - I'm so lucky you and your family chose me to be Mimi!!!! I love you Kritter!
ReplyDeletedamn...
ReplyDelete...crying...
xo
erin