finn got a fever. 102.5 and i could only think of emergency rooms and breathing machines and pneumonia and fear so i channeled all of that energy into a jug of vinegar and i went to town. filled the tub with vinegar and water and submerged every single toy and washed 8 loads of laundry. i sanitized every surface we touch and once bryan came home from work i ran to the store to get cat food, smelling of vinegar and sweat. there was a sewage drainage truck in the back of the parking lot and the whole entire block smelled like sulphur. i was so grateful. because at least no one could smell me.
cold baths, juice, hugs, party toast. i spent a solid majority of the morning convincing her that sick days were awesome because you could lay on the couch all day and watch movies, read books. she finally got up and painted because that is her comfort. dash's tiny fever in his tiny body went away bit by bit. he slept twice as long as usual but at least i knew his room was clean.
eleven o-clock last night. i am on the floor wiping every block, building toy, drawer of tiny things by hand to make sure they are dry. the living room littered like a thrift store. i am tired. i look like a hot mess. i feel that sort of exhaustion that only comes when you know you have accomplished something worthwhile but you still feel like there are ten more things to do. from behind me on the couch i hear i really love you. and i look at bryan and he smiles. he is tired, he is fighting this illness, too.
it is this. it is in these moments that i realize that i am with the right man. that this was what i was supposed to get from all of those fairy tales and romantic comedies. that the right man will be the one who kisses you in the rain at one in the morning on your first "date" (um, we didn't have our first real date until we had children and a babysitter) and he will be the one who will look at you with the exact same look on his face almost seven years later while you are drenched in vinegar and wearing the same tshirt you've worn for three days. he will tell you with regularity that he is happy, so you don't have to wonder. and he will ride the not so great days like a sailor. he will pack his sea legs for the journey.