you know what i don't like? pictures of kids crying or throwing temper tantrums. i don't think they are funny and just can't seem to get behind the idea that watching children under the influence of anesthesia or the after effects is somehow entertaining. and pets drunk or high? don't even get me started.
do you have regrets? or do you let them go? i would like to think that i live my life without worrying about the things i have or have not done and that the present is always what means most. but i would be lying to you. i have moments of regret. i suppose the silver lining is there is something of a lightbulb effect that happens during these moments. and i don't do them again.
we are all capable of ugly. we are all deeply flawed. and we all have the capacity for change.
my children spend a lot of time with their grandparents. and i wonder what they are going to remember about them, these versions of the people i know. i wonder about how my grandpa was my mom's dad and how there is no way we will ever know him in the same way. that we aren't supposed to. i think i am so lucky that the parents bryan and i have in our lives are who they are. that we have the friends we have. that we have each other.
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no, pain is not funny.
ReplyDeletei don't like to allow myself to regret things...i've had uncomfortable discussions about regret. i'm afraid if i allow myself regret(and i speak very personally about this) that i might use regret to stay in one place. if anything i try to reframe the words in my mind and have them be more useful, not mitigating the pain but rather using the pain as a lever to change the now or the future. perhaps it is only semantics, but instead of regret i say, erin, this is what you have done. own it. be responsible. don't sit in the pain but use it to act now.
it is impossible to live without hurting anyone. the best i can do is to not intend on hurting anyone. and even then...
i have changed my children's lives by acting for myself. this is neither good nor bad, just exceedingly difficult. now what?
what do you regret? and why? (of course you don't have to tell me:))))
xo
erin
I agree with you so much. And I think of myself as super carefree and at peace but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes a regret or two sneaks up on me and my stomach drops to my feet.
ReplyDeleteSteph
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ReplyDeleteso many of the things that the masses are presented with in the guise of humor are truly hurtful and painful.....but we humans seem to take refuge in laughter at the cost of someone's pain, discomfort or embarrassment...possibly in relief that we are not the ones being presented.
ReplyDeletei too wish you could have known your grandparents as i did growing up..and to have known your great grandparents...but that is why it is so important that we speak of my memories of them so that you can at least see the sepia-toned version of them..but alas, you will never know that familiar creak of the board in the hallway or the smell of a newly made lemon meringue pie. yet, honestly, grandparents in the latter part of their life have mellowed, they're not rushing off to work (finally), and they can relay all parts of their life growing up and then bask in the glory of unrequited love in their grandchildren's eyes and hugs as well as the innocent interpretation of the tales.
as for regrets? of course we all have some...thinking back how one simple decision made another way could have resulted in a totally different life. but every single time i start thinking in that direction i remind myself that i would not have you or bryan or finn or dash...that's a bucket of cold water that makes all regrets fade into the background. we can only live with and hope to grow and evolve from our mistakes and regrets...goodness knows i have had my fair share----but you and your family and the fact you allow us, your parents, to participate in and grow with your children's lives, is the greatest gift of all. so right now? no regrets---none---zip---zero. just unconditional love and support.
xxoo
Mom/Mimi