the hand you're dealt

there's a shift under the skin right now. have you felt it, too? sort of like a hunger rumbling, crashing into walls while others are silent, heads turned toward the distraction with hands above eyes.
i've felt it. and the aftershocks.
watched hearts break wide open into puddles and i'm ill prepared with my slippers on wet ground.
sometimes i don't know how to help except to not help at all.

she grows out of shoes too fast. i can't keep up with her feet, trailing behind her with inappropriate summer slippers that will be discarded come rain or come shine because they will no longer fit her toes. she wears rain boots at the beach because at least she can walk and collect rocks in her basket and i can worry a little less.
maybe if i stick her in a pillowcase like a kitten i can carry her around and she will purr against soft cotton.

i think she said 'damnit' today. and i looked around to accuse someone, the mirror smudged with yesterday's findings. bryan taught her to say 'oh shoot' and she walks the hall with tiny fingers

ohshootohshootohshoot

sounding a bit like a person with a foreign dialect from a land i've never been to, only heard about. 

i'm hoping she'll remember what it feels like from where she stands so that in later years when i ask her to remind me she'll have stories to tell.

we host poker once a week at the house. i haven't won in months. it's not that i like losing, i just don't have the patience to care to win. all in. with a 2/7.
there's a metaphor in there i'm sure.