i once dated someone who told me that he never again wanted to hear me speak of the abuse i suffered as a child. i don't hold it against him. he was ill-equipped to deal with many of his own issues which left him paralyzed with fear in the face of acknowledging mine.
i can't separate the abuse from me.
ask me who i am.
i will tell you i am pieces of muscle and tissue and blood intertwined with love and fear and a vibrantly exhaustive sense memory. i walk with metaphors strapped to my feet and i am unable to digest food when i'm lying to myself. when depressed, i smile and self-medicate and sleep. i hide things inside my ribcage and dangle the ribbons behind me, never expecting you to keep up. i leave trails for myself only. i've even stopped doing that because i'm no longer lost.
women tend to empathize...they've been there, too. here's an experiment: ask your all of your female friends if they have ever been sexually, physically or verbally abused. count how many times you hear the word 'no.' tell me if you ever have to use your second hand.
look at the men around us. they aren't immune. they just hide it better. they aren't expected to speak about their truth, just deal with it. iron john and what not.
we are, all of us, swimming upstream with our fears and our pain and memories and the moments we wish we could take back.
but the beauty. oh, the beauty.
all of us, on the other side. greener grass around our feet and climbing up our limbs. we know something those who abuse do not.
we know how to survive. and we know how to stop you.
and we aren't afraid to speak out.
violence unsilenced is a website dedicated to giving survivors a place to speak out, to tell their truth, to give a voice. maggie has compiled a video in order to commemorate vu's one year anniversary. please go check it out. and stay awhile, if you can. read and witness and leave some support.
you can read my post here and my mom's post here.
two women, one after the other.
on the other side.