i start working my new job tomorrow. full time. mon - fri.
good news and still sad. such a luxury, my sadness at going back to work full-time.
i've had it easy the last two years.
with all the stress, all the anxiety, all the toe dips in the pool of 'not quite making it this month.'
how do we do this?
take pieces of our heart, combined with the tissue of the opposite sex in a myriad of variations and watch it walk around in front of us, bumping and building and stringing letters into words.
i watch her point at letters and say them out loud, people gasping that she's only two! and i wonder when, exactly, i forgot that the mere fact that i can string letters together into words became passe. such a given.
i watch her look at lowercase letters and she doesn't get it and i hear myself say things like yeah, it doesn't make sense, they don't look like the big letters and she laughs and smiles and nods her head.
sometimes she screams at me and throws her juice. either way, she moves on and forward and onto the next thing.
i'm a little burrowed this evening in my comfortable sweats, ice cream loaded like a shotgun and i'm restlessly exhausted.
i crave change and abhor her when she comes.
two months from now, i will smile and pack my lunch and maybe even buy a bike to ride to work since we share a car and i'll be working close.
i will grow to simultaneously love/hate sunday evenings because they combine the beginning and the end in such a way that makes time slip through my clenched fists, waking up with sand in my sheets, around my head.
i will pick out my outfit the night before like my mom taught me. to ensure i won't be late.
i will make sure my lunch is packed before i fall asleep.
i will be grateful to have found a job i am looking forward to, especially when so many others are struggling.
i will remind you to check out the bright side project because amazing things happen there, like the ridiculous rug they are giving away today. (um, you still have the rest of this week to enter. just sayin...)
and i will kiss the faces of the two people i have been inseparable from the last two years.
and i will smile because we're going to be just fine.