everyone in the house is sleeping and i'm on my way to bed. but cheeto starts crying because she's hungry. so i pad downstairs and all of a sudden, i'm overwhelmed. with love. and gratitude. and the absolute conviction that i am so glad i get to be me.
wearing my hospital socks, given to me right before i gave birth. they are lightweight enough to not make me crazy and have grippers on the bottom. your toddler socks, as bryan calls them. exactly.
my cat is old and starting to look frail and grey. i watch her move and picture the natural history museum and talking notes about dinosaurs. around the corner is extinction and the natural order of things but she is here and opening every cupboard she can find in the middle of the night to get my attention. she picks books off the bookshelves in the middle of the night and i talk to her in the morning when i put them back. how did you like that one? science fiction, really? be careful, that one has cats in it. but they are just metaphors.
i made a delicious dinner the other night. totally redeemed myself after the burnt crock pot fiasco. and we found the best mexican food in the valley. i can't get away from the carnitas. my delicious dinner was also a slow cooked pork. maybe there is something to that.
i watched my children tonight and took a deep breath. looked at them. and tried to memorize the smallest details so that i could tell them later that in november of that year, finn had a propensity for making up her own words and she surpassed my drawing skills by miles. dash was awake more than he was asleep and he still preferred listening to his sister talk to him above anything else. i spent those moments realizing that they are here and they are healthy and their scars are still small. formed by putting away art supplies and not enough treats (for her) and dirty diapers and not being held (for him.) and i am so full of gratitude it feels like a sunburn, blistered and peeling and turning colors.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
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So happy for you krista, so happy.... take the moment and put it on a string so you can take them all out and wear them like a necklace! Oh wait, that's what blogs are for! hugs.
ReplyDeleteIt's those little things that leave the lasting memory - I remember when I was sick and you wanted to make me dinner - you brought the bread, pnut butter and jelly and laid them out on the blanket of my bed. You proceeded to make me my dinner with your 4 year old hands and it was the most delicious meal I had ever eaten (the blanket loved it too.....:)...). Memories of things like that will warm your heart and bring a tear to your eye, even when you're old and grey. And next time make some of the slow-cooked stuff (even the burnt!!!) when I'm coming over - sounds yummy!! Growing up in your house is the epitomy of love and happy with a lot of patience thrown in - my grandchildren are so very lucky. Love you. Mom
ReplyDeleteGratitude pays huge dividends. It opens our eyes wider and our ears grow to recieve the smallest sound. Our hands have new nerves that reach out to touch...have no patience to wait. Yes, every detail is a follicle from which our memories grow. Oh, to be old and so hairy with goodness. Carnitas are the BOMB!!!!
ReplyDeleteyour blog is my absolute favorite. you have such a talent. thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLove this - the moment filled with love and gratitude that you describe so brilliantly.
ReplyDeleteOK - I just re-read this and it brought tears to my eyes. I love you thhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiis much, Kritter!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGratitude is such a beautiful thing, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI never get tired of reading your words, the way you put them together is always just right. The one thing I missed with my home birth was all of that hospital stuff. Somehow getting the weird, otherwise unobtainable products to take home and use as I recovered made me really feel like I did something extraordinary. The slipper socks come to mind right away. I have no idea if that makes sense.
ReplyDeletethe best description of gratitude I have ever read.
ReplyDeleteI do that too. So many times I catch myself watching my children hungrily, slowly, wanting to etch their faces and their gestures and their characters into my mind. So I will never forget.
ReplyDelete