i didn't sleep more than three hours last night. which makes me hungry.
today i met some friends at the park. they used to live here. moved away and were driving through on their way back home, point a to point b. needed to run the kids between the hours of driving. we caught up as best we could between taking turns monitoring the whereabouts of children who inherently feel safe to come and go and climb and interact.
a little girl was mean to finn. called her a name and my sweet, sensitive girl got her feelings hurt. my male friend (who is a teacher and has the patience of...well, of someone really patient) calmly talked to her about 'kind words' and 'sharing the playground' and i felt myself curl into a tiny little ball, frayed around the edges, knotted in all the wrong spots. i know, intellectually, that the best thing my children can learn about life is that some people are just assholes. not everyone will treat you with respect or kindness and that...well... fuck em. you don't have to take that as your truth. that you are not, in fact, an ugly peepee head, but that people who feel better about themselves when they step on the bodies of the others around them are the ones covered in urine; briny, spottled eyeballs to yellowed, cracked toes.
i'm sure this little girl is a lovely person and has lovely parents. i'm sure my own children will act like assholes on occasion. even to each other. i know that this whole world is a giant playground without enough of a play structure for us all to properly fit at times and that sometimes we will be tired and we will be hungry and there won't be enough food or drink or words or images or hours to fill us up.
then again, i didn't sleep last night. and i'm hungry.